The cat hair profusely covering Marion's cardigan made her look like a frump, but as she generally focused on the higher things in life, this fact rarely impinged on her consciousness – although focusing on anything these days was a bit difficult as her optometrist, for some obscure reason, was having trouble with her latest prescription.
Kenneth knew that if he could only complete the full body-building course he had long since paid for, at considerable expense, he would finally succeed in capturing Belinda's full attention and sweeping her off her feet, a prelude to a long and deliriously satisfying winter honeymoon in an army tent on the Yorkshire moors – for after all, there was nothing like being cold to make a woman want to stay warm and cosy!
Ever since the arrival of the mysterious woman with the unpronounceable name and bright blue hair, crumpet-eating mania had hit the small, isolated town of Wombat's End, and this was a problem because they were fast running out of butter and honey, which meant they would need to resort to smothering them with margarine and jam; but even worse, the local shop was running out of crumpets, so, ghastly thought, they'd soon have to make their own!
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Does it take talent to write badly, publish it, then sell it worldwide and make money from it?